Top 5

Jonas Hiller

Anaheim Ducks goalie Jonas Hiller was born in Switzerland and is fluent in German, French and English. Here are his Top 5 cities in Europe:


  1. Bern, Switzerland

  2. Prague, Czech Republic

  3. Paris, France

  4. Barcelona, Spain

  5. Rome, Italy

NHL Confidential

Willie MitchellFlorida Panthers defenseman Willie Mitchell, formerly of the Vancouver Canucks, recommends Hawksworth restaurant in downtown Vancouver, located inside the Rosewood Hotel Georgia. "Kind of a west coast with a little bit of a French twist to it – a lot of depth to it," he says. "A lot of meat and a little bit of texture. … The scallops are outstanding – anything for that matter."

JP

Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Introducing the Secret Season.

Secret Season rink

We’ve had enough.

We’re sick of this NHL lockout in its 29th day, of jostling among overpaid executives, of hoping for a partial season one day and the despair of a lost season the next.

We’re sick of hearing about our NHL stars going overseas to play for teams you can’t spell in a game of Scrabble.

Sick of it all.

We’re starting our own season. With NHL players. Every single one of them.

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Who should buy the Phoenix Coyotes?

Potential Phoenix Coyotes owners

Hockey needs a bastard of a personality – a Jerry Jones, a Mark Cuban, a George Steinbrenner, an owner whose mere presence demands respect among his peers.

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Breaking down Zach and Ryan’s choice.

 Zach Parise Ryan Suter

Daniel and Henrik Sedin are strange. The identical twins signed identical contracts with the Vancouver Canucks multiple times. They room together on road trips. They’ve spent every waking second together since the fetal stage of their development. Heck, I half-expect to see Daniel when viewing Henrik’s Wikipedia page.

The Sedins, however, have an excuse: They’re the Sedins. Weird is just their genetic make-up.

But what’s the excuse for Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, who recently signed identical contracts with the Minnesota Wild? Their peculiar bond during a free-agent-courting spree was like nothing we’ve ever seen before. They exchanged text messages year-round, generated massive speculation among Cup-hungry cities, riled fans in Pittsburgh and Detroit to crazy heights, then …

Landed in Minnesota? That makes the Sedin brothers look like the Blues Brothers.
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Winners, losers at the ‘undercover’ NHL awards.

The NHL rarely showcases its dark side. The league’s website doesn’t display fights in its GameCenter highlights. Nor does it re-broadcast body checks that are potential suspensions – it does when those hits become official suspensions, as Brendan Shanahan leads the tutorial – but not when the ugly word “potential” still applies.

Our point: Controversial matter always gets swept under Gary Bettman’s cute office rug.

So, of course, the former NBA troll wouldn’t show the entirety of the NHL awards last week in Las Vegas. He killed the cameras when the real fun began.

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How the Stanley Cup Final will unfold.

Well, after the Game 1 classic it appears we have a dandy of a series on our hands. We’re predicting a seven-game series, the fourth since the lockout.

But, we must give one nugget of advice as the series moves forward … Expect the unexpected.

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March Madness: Rioting, and what’s up with Nick Lidstrom?

 Nicklas Lidstrom

The Sweet Sixteen ended with a sweet-talking performance by Claude Giroux, yet another criminal act by a disgruntled Phil Kessel, and photographers snapping seven-hours worth of pictures for Patrick Kane and his lovely female fanatics.

Sixty-four teams down to eight, and the madness is just beginning …

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March Madness: Giroux exposes Weber’s soft side

Phil Kessel

Day two of the Sweet 16 was delayed for several hours when Phil Kessel pulled the generator plug and melted the ice at our Phoenix facility. We know he’s still steaming from his back-and-forth argument with Ron Wilson, and that embarrassing loss to Nicklas Lidstrom – and that scoreless tournament as a top seed – but this is just absurd.

Unfortunately, local authorities could not find Kessel, whose elusiveness and running skills outweigh his defensive abilities on the ice.

Here’s to thinking he’ll be a thorn in our side as the tournament progresses. And we should be able to handle it, as long as he’s not throwing punches á la Milan Lucic.

Without further delay (looking over shoulders and eying generators), the Sweet 16 continues …
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March Madness: The Sounds of Music

Day one of the All Puck Sweet 16 is here.

Thus far, we’ve seen a Ram truck plow Johan Franzen, an Austin Powers cart end a tournament for Alexander Ovechkin, and a net-eating slap shot from Shea Weber that scared the daylights out of Jason Pominville.

There’s been heavy trash-talk from Claude Giroux, heavy drinking from Patrick Kane, and a tournament director with heavy circles under his eyes courtesy of a fist-throwing rage delivered by Milan Lucic.

It’s been crazy. And it only gets better …

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March Madness: Patrick Kane’s drinking does not hurt his game

Zdeno Chara

Photo by Dan Hickling

Round two was delayed because Milan Lucic stormed our control room and attacked the tournament director. The Boston thug was clearly irate that his matchup against Zach Parise was not postponed.

Hey, it’s not our fault Lucic fought with his girlfriend, disobeyed police officers and earned a cement bed the night before the game. That’s his problem. Jail time or no jail time, the game against Parise had to start on its scheduled time, no matter the circumstance.

But we must say this: Lucic’s voice was heard, and so were his fists, as our director suffers from a nasty gash above his left eye, and, Ryan Miller-like whiplash.

Anyway, we’ll nurse our wounds as round two resumes …
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More Madness: Martians Miss Pavel

Phil Kessel Pavel Datsyuk

The 64-skater tournament, battle of the fittest is reduced to 32 participants. There were tears from Ryan Kesler, trash-talking by Claude Giroux and a detailed background check that expelled Ryan O’Reilly from future tournaments.

St. Patrick’s Day brought about more oddities. The winners advance to the All-Puck Sweet 16.

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